NOT HAPPY with the way Ken Burns looks.

Posted by: Usher John R.

I'm a big fan of Ken Burns' documentaries. I get them all the time from Netflix. I really liked the Lewis & Clark one which I might have to watch once a year from now on. You know, make a day out of celebrating one group's difficult journey into unknown land while sitting on my couch eating all day like a big nerdy slob. In Sept there is a new series he made coming out about WWII (Woo hoo!) so I decided to look it up online and see when it starts. I found out when it starts all right...


and a lot more...


I found out what Ken Burns looks like. I always had a specific image in my mind of what Ken Burns looks like. Then I found out....







what he really looks like...

IS THIS:

Now Ken Burns if you're reading this do not take offense but I am not happy with how you look. I imagined you to be an elderly man smoking a pipe with a white beard, white hair, and wearing a tweed jacket with patches on the elbows. NOT a weird nerdy Kermit The Frog turned into a man with a toupe and a little facial hair. Ok maybe that is your real hair. If it's not they really screwed up in the muppet factory hair dept. Also you look too nice a person. Like if you read this you wouldn't even be angry, you'd just pull out a guitar and sing me a song about accepting people for who they are. History experts are supposed to be mean. History experts are supposed to give people facts and then tell them to go to hell.

I really haven't been this dissapointed with someone's appearance since I was a kid and we always listened to the Garrison Keillor's "Prarie Home Companion" tapes on long car rides and I imaged Garrison to look kind of like Michael Gross, the dad from Family Ties. Nope. Garrison Keillor really looks like this:

"It was a quiet week in Lake Wobegon because I FUCKING ATE EVERYONE"

I don't know how much more of this I can take. So please Ken Burns, I highly encourage you to get really old, grow a fuller beard, get gray hair, and stop fucking smiling.

K THX BAI!!!!

p.s. When you scrolled down to reveal Ken Burn's picture I really wanted somehow for it to go "BLEAAAAH!!!" and get all scary like Large Marge did in Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Then I wanted the Garrison Keillor picture to actually pop out of your computer screen and lick your face then have his eyes haunt you in your dreams.

ROBERT LOGGIA!

Posted by: Usher John R

Ok this is probably the greatest thing ever.

Oh ok.

Posted by: Usher John R.

Why Werner Herzog Rules

Posted By: Usher John R.

I went and saw his new movie this weekend. I was doing some reading online about the real guys it is based on and found this quote from a Q&A with herzog:

Q. There have been some accusations that you’ve taken liberties with facts in some of your documentaries and in “Rescue Dawn,” particularly from the family of Eugene DeBruin. What is your reaction to those accusations?

A. If we are paying attention about facts, we end up as accountants. If you find out that yes, here or there, a fact has been modified or has been imagined, it will be a triumph of the accountants to tell me so. But we are into illumination for the sake of a deeper truth, for an ecstasy of truth, for something we can experience once in a while in great literature and great cinema. I’m imagining and staging and using my fantasies. Only that will illuminate us. Otherwise, if you’re purely after facts, please buy yourself the phone directory of Manhattan. It has four million times correct facts. But it doesn’t illuminate.

Village People Costume

Posted by: UsherJohn R
They actually at some point made a halloween costume for the leather dude from the Village People. Amazing.

Becker got a new truck

Posted by: Usher John R

California Raisins Sweater

Posted by: Usher John R

I just won this on Ebay and can't wait to force my girlfriend to wear it everywhere we go. You're probably wondering how I found it. Oh I found it when I got on Ebay and did a search for "California Raisins Sweater".

Seriously.

If the government really does keep track of all the things you look up on the internet they must think I'm a complete lunatic.

Worst video on the internet.

Posted by: Usher Mark

This video below is the best thing in the fucking world. Watch the whole fucking thing. It keeps getting worse. This is the worst thing you will ever fucking see. It had 7 views when I first saw it. This is the fucking most independent film of all time. FUCK!

Chin Splitters Bar & Grill

Posted by: Usher Mark

GUYS! I hope you aren't afraid of TWO THINGS. THOSE TWO THINGS ARE....(drumroll please)...

• farts
• good times!

SERIOUSLY! I work at a new club in San Diego called Chin Splitters, and we have a company philosophy. We are only here to represent people in San Diego that want to have a good time, and those "good times" include the following two ideas:

1. fart jokes
2. monica lewinski jokes
3. improperly counted list jokes

SO COME ON DOWN! If you've ever shit your pants in choir practice or seen what the human immunodeficiency virus looks like under a microscope, you WILL BE REQUIRED TO LOVE OUR HOT WINGS!!!

Come on, FUCKING GET OVER IT!!!!

CHIN SPLITTERS! A WAY OF LIFE IN SAN DIEGO!

LOLflores

Posted by: Usher Mark

LOLbecker

LOLbecker

Christopher Cross + NSYNC = AMAZING

Posted by Usher John R,

Why does it look like they have wires attached to them?

OH YOU'LL SEE!!!!

WRONG NUMBERS

Posted By Usher John R.

Oh boy I got a wrong number call today. Again. Here is the conversation I just had

Phone: "Ring ring ring!"
Me: "This is John"
Wrong Number Caller (with thick Mexican accent) "Is (whatever name) there?"
Me: "No sorry you have the wrong number."
Wrong Number Caller: "No no no."
Me: "Um, yes. That person doesn't live here"
Wrong Number Caller "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes."
Wrong Number Caller: "Ohhhhh"

Why would you question whether or not I was the one who is wrong? I'm the one answering the phone! Whenever I accidently call the wrong number and realize I made a mistake I usually quickly say "Oops! Sorry!" and hang up. But every time someone wrong numbers me they decide to argue with me about it. WHY? Do you think I accidently picked up someone else's phone in my house? Once I actually had to tell a lady three times that my home was NOT A STORE. "Are you suuuure?" she asked like I was totally insane and SO STUPID that I had no idea that my bedroom was actually a grocery store. EVERY FUCKING TIME someone accidentally calls me they say that same phrase "Are you suuuuure?". It's half the phrase that bugs me and half that they always say it is always in such a suspicious / snotty tone, not even for a second considering that perhaps they might have possibly hit the wrong numbers when dialing. Nope it must be me because they never make mistakes. I must have accidentally wandered into a house off the street because I heard a phone ringing.

There was also the guy who kept asking me if I was SURE that this was indeed my phone number and not some lady he was trying to call. I told him I was absolutely positive I was standing in my apartment surrounded by my bed, my things and my roomates and not some lady's house. AND HE STILL didn't believe me and gave me the "hmph. ok!" in that 'this guy's an idiot" tone (I think I could actually hear him rolling his eyes and gesturing his thumb at me). Maybe he thought I was having an affair with his wife and maaaybe if he puts some pressure on me I'll break down and confess that she was there.

In most cases the person usually calls back at least one more time to repeat the EXACT CONVERSATION we just had. JUST TO BE SURE I was indeed telling the truth.

So the moral of this story is I fucking hate phones.

John Becker: The Movie

Posted by: Usher John R.

LOLbecker

Posted By: Usher John R.

Sean VS John Disneyland Battle

Posted By: Usher John R.

So a bunch of us went to Disneyland. Sean and I got in an argument when we were there over who could make a better video from our Disneyland photos and videos. So here they are:

Round 1 (John)


Round 2 (Sean)


Round 3 (John)


Round 4 (Sean)


Round 5 (John)

LOLbecker

Posted By: Usher John R

LOLbecker

Posted by Usher John R:

Catch & Release

Posting by Usher John R:

So the last night my sister was in town. Her and Meatball and I rented 'Catch & Release' starring Jennifer Gardener-Affleck, that fat bearded dipshit who makes those terrible movies where people "have funny conversations", some other guy who sucks, and the guy from Deadwood (from Modesto!). I don't want to get into reviewing it so to sum up what I thought of the movie after watching it we scanned the cover of the DVD and I photoshopped it and we will be printing this out in color and placing it in the DVD case when we return it to the store.

click on picture for big version